Month 1: Everything is a brain fart. Kevin and I were new to everything from changing a diaper, feeding, bathing, clothing etc. On top of it all, I had new mommy brain meaning I forgot just about everything except my name on most days. Thank goodness for my iPhone app that would tell me whenever I needed to feed the baby.

Month 2: The height of crying. Around week 6-8, I believe I was having the hardest time. Reid cried so often and I had no idea what to do about it.

Month 3: Discovering a schedule! In the middle of the second month, I realized that if I put the little guy to sleep after he’d been awake every 1.5 hours, he was a pretty happy guy. He even started smiling! I was getting the hang of this!

Month 4: Back to work. This was a difficult time. Adjusting back to work and trying to act like a normal adult was a bit tough. Plus, Reid began getting sick while at daycare. I am proud to say I only shed tears in the office one time during that first week!

Month 5: Family Time. Lots of family was in town for my sister’s wedding! It was fun to show off the little guy to extended family. Reid also met his grandpa Tom and grandma Susan for the first time.

Month 6: Sickness. Reid got sick quite a bit. We were starting him on solids and he had diarrhea at times, an ear infection, high fevers. IT was rough.

Month 7: More Sickness and major change. At Reid’s 6 month appt. the doctor detected wheezing and inflammation in Reid’s lungs. We took him out of daycare and cobbled together child care here and there to take care of him. We started nebulizer treatments which absolutely sucked. He got another ear infection. We saw the doctor almost every week of this month. Reid gets his first teeth. I hate teething.

Month 8:  Hawaii and new nannies. We went to Hawaii where Reid’s breathing suddenly had a major improvement, but, he was on a bad sleep schedule. After months of sleeping through the night, he was suddenly getting up multiple times a night and wanting to nurse. It was not exactly a relaxing vacation. Upon our return, we went back to work and Reid was cared for by one new nanny, Yolanda, while we found a nanny share.

Month 9: New Childcare! We started a nanny share with a baby 3.5 months younger than Reid. I thought finding our nanny was sheer luck. She was our favorite teacher at his previous daycare and she was looking for a new job. Things were looking up for us! Reid’s health was much better. Reid starts army crawling and he said mama!

Month 10: In the groove… I went back to work five days a week and Yolanda (from month eight) starts taking care of Reid on Mondays while Mary is our nanny for our nanny share Tues-Fridays. Reid hasn’t been sick much, he seems to be in a great mood, and he is eating like no tomorrow! Unfortunately, he isn’t drinking milk and the end of nursing seems to be nearing. Reid is clapping and giving kisses.

Month 11: Fun. Reid is as fun as he has ever been. He is army crawling everywhere, laughs a lot, started waving and is pretty easy to take out to restaurants because he loves to eat. As long as there is good food in front of him, he is a pretty happy guy. I am surprised and very happy to say that his favorite foods are his mom’s homemade soups. I’ve stopped pumping at work, it was getting impossible.

Month 12: It starts tomorrow! But, I’m guessing the overarching theme is that we’ll be ending our nanny share and having Reid with a 1:1 nanny. Things didn’t go well with the two babies and Mary, so, again… we are moving on with a different childcare situation. Bah humbug!

Anyways, in all of this, I’ve gone back to work full time (I was doing four days until last week) and I’ve had a lot of supply issues while nursing. I told myself that I wouldn’t beat myself up about not being able to provide my child with breast milk. But, you know what… I’m beating myself up. I’m sure the stress isn’t helping any.

I seem to just be trying to get through each day and trying to get to bed ASAP. Today, I decided to do something for myself and just surf the web… or iTunes and Amazon, that is. I stumbled upon this website that just made me smile. So, I thought I’d share it. It is just a reflection on some of the little things in life that are awesome, but, we may not think to appreciate them.

http://1000awesomethings.com/

The author has a book too!

Just last weekend, our friends, the Wolosins, invited us over for dinner at their house around 5:30 PM. On the 10 minute drive over, Reid fell asleep in his car seat. So, I waited for him to wake up while Kevin went inside to join our friends. Luckily, I have learned to take reading material with me at all times. Now, it sounds like I’m making the sacrifice here by missing out on the dinner party, however, I actually looked forward to this quiet time in the car where I could read my book. (At the moment, I’m reading the infamous Asian Tiger Mom book by Amy Chua). These days, I don’t get too much down time where I get to read. In the car, its about all I can do. There are no dishes to wash, laundry to do or bills to pay. Its just me, a sleeping baby and my book. I had about 30-40 mins of reading my book that day… it didn’t seem like enough!

Last night, our family was meeting up with our friends the Laws for a “family night” at a nice restaurant in San Francisco. Again, Reid fell asleep in the car. Kevin volunteered to stay with him, but, I knew that he had really wanted to go to this restaurant and scheduled it with our friends. So, I spent over an hour in the car (never making it to dinner) with Reid. Kevin ended up bringing me some delicious Mac n Cheese in a to-go container  in the middle of dinner.  I didn’t mind a little more down time.

Besides work, I still sometimes feel guilty about having my son in day care. Mostly, the guilt stems from the fact that he has been sick for about six weeks straight with either a cold or a cough. We’ve brought him to the doctor no less than three times in this short amount of time. But, everyone tells me it just comes along with group childcare and there isn’t much you can do about it. “They are building up their immune system!”. Oh…but, the coughs coming from his little, cute, baby body are so sad to listen to. Plus, when the coughs wake Reid up in the middle of the night, this doesn’t help me get my much needed rest for work.

As a mom, the guilt seems endless. I’ll feel guilty if I forget a jacket when its cold outside, if he spits up a lot (because maybe I ate something causing him acid reflux!), if I don’t want to stay up an extra hour to watch TV with the hubby, if my baby isn’t getting enough rest because I haven’t ‘sleep trained’ him… <sigh> Hopefully, the guilt will subside (at least a little) soon. It’s exhausting worrying all the time! I’ve been seeking comfort by reading about other mom’s who feel the same guilt, so, I thought I would add my 2 cents too.

Last weekend, I left for my first overnight trip without Reid. I flew to San Diego for my sister’s bachelorette party for just about 36 hours. Its rough leaving when you are breastfeeding though. I had to pump for over a week to have enough milk stored up for my departure. Plus, I needed to pump while I was away. I would escape to my room (which I didn’t share with anyone…thank goodness!) to hook myself up to the cow machine to store up my liquid gold. During the short trip, everytime I saw any baby under age 1, I thought of my little guy and missed him a lot. Fortunately, his dad took wonderful care of him. He napped and took his bottles with ease. It was excellent bonding time for both of them and gave Kevin more confidence that he could do all the parenting, if necessary, on these rare occasions when I’m out of town.

Finally, the ultimate in letting go is day care…   Today, Reid had his first day of day care. It was just a couple of hours where I observed for a little while to be sure he adjusted to his new surroundings. It has been heartbreaking for me knowing that someone else will care for him for 9 hours a day. After leaving him there, I felt empty and lonely, but, I have to keep reminding myself that a happy mom will ultimately be better for Reid in the long run. And… I cannot see myself being happy as a stay at home mom. I am actually looking forward to the intellectual stimulation of work, but, will miss the days with Reid. He is just hitting the period where he spontaneously smiles all the time… even giggles. Its adorable and melts his mom’s heart.  He will get another short day in day care tomorrow and will go in for a full day starting next Tuesday when I get back to work.

But, anyways, I digress. So much has happened in the past few weeks, I had no idea how to write any of it in one blog entry (while my son is napping). After a friend asked me if this was as hard as what I expected, I decided to write about what the highs and lows of being a new parent have been for me. Lets start with the positive…

Best Moments in new parenting (at least for the past 8 weeks):

1. Seeing your newborn for the first time post labor. After 22 hours of labor and nine months of carrying him in utero, Kevin and I were so ecstatic seeing our perfect little guy. Despite his purple complexion, slimy skin and cone head, we thought he was the best looking baby ever. We were also surprised at how much hair he had!

2. Hearing Reid’s farts and poops. This sounds gross, but, Kevin and I could not stop laughing when we heard the loud sounds coming from our baby. It was amazing that such a little guy could make such noises.

3. Having Reid fall asleep on you. I think that many books will tell you that its not a good habit to let your baby sleep in your arms, but, I have to say that this is a really nice feeling… (and call me a bad parent, but, this has happened a lot, and I let it).

4. Seeing the love from other family members when they are holding Reid. Reid has had his aunts and most of his grandparents visit him and its so fun to see them with him. There is so much love in the air!

5. Watching your baby sleep…this is similar to #3, but, really, if they sleep anywhere, its an accomplishment! (in the crib, in their car seat, on the couch, on the bed, in a swing… sleeping is the best.

6. Smiling and cooing. Starting around week 6, Reid started smiling sometimes… we can never guarantee when this will happen, but, it absolutely makes our day.

7. Dancing with Reid. We danced in my stroller aerobics class and I often dance with him while he is on the changing table. “Kung Fu Fighting” is our favorite song after Auntie Lise introduced it to him.

Worst parts of Being a parent:

1. Driving while they are crying. This is the worst because you can’t take them out of the car seat or do anything for them when we are in the car. Sometimes I feel like running myself off the road because the crying is so terrible

2. Projectile poo. This hasn’t happened since the first couple of weeks, but, while changing Reid, we had a few incidents that soiled our carpet :p

3. Its so difficult to go places now. Whether its the grocery store, a walk downtown or attending a friend’s celebration, going anywhere with a baby is a lot more difficult. He needs to eat every 2-3 hours and if he is tired and cranky, all you will hear is crying, so, you can’t take him anywhere. So, this item is also an apology to my friends who I have missed some occasion with because the timing just didn’t work out. Kevin and I have been better about getting out though. I am better at nursing in public and in figuring out how to make sure he is happy during the time we are out and about. Still… some of his fussy times are often still a mystery to me.

4. Postpartum brain. I didn’t think I was super forgetful or absentminded during pregnancy, but, post labor, I made up for it. Because I have crammed in so much new parenting info in my brain plus half my attention is constantly on what Reid is doing, my brain never seems to be totally there. Hopefully, in six weeks when I get back to work, I will be able to retrieve my brain.

5. Losing control over your sleep schedule. I think most parents will complain about being sleep deprived, but, Reid has always been a fairly good sleeper at night, so, we have gotten 6-7 hours of sleep on most nights. However, my sleep schedule is always determined by his. If he goes to bed at 9, I know I need to get to bed soon to take advantage of his time. I can’t surf the web or read a book til the wee hours and just sleep in the next day because Reid will be waking me up. So, once the little guy is down for the night, I am too within the next two hours.

6. The guilt. With everything I do, I wonder… will this affect his development in the future? Example: If I don’t teach him good sleep habits, will he have sleep problems his whole life? If I don’t do the right kind of talking now, will I affect his vocabulary in the future? If I don’t pick him up when he cries, will he be an insecure baby turning into a fearful adult? :p

7. No time to yourself.

Anyways, if I write anymore, this blog post will never get posted. I have sat down to write it several times. I apologize for typos, grammatical errors etc. (please see #4 of the worst things about being a new parent).

Everyone has theories on how to get labor started, but, I think its really up to your body and baby. I may try acupuncture this weekend though. That is one of the few techniques that I think might actually work.

Earlier this week, I developed a really bad cold and nearly came down with a fever, so, its probably best that I didn’t go into labor. With as low as my energy was, they might as well just have cut me open! But, as of today, I think my cold is mostly gone and I’m good to go. Let’s get this party started, baby!

I have to admit, I felt a weird sadness when driving my Celica down to be sold away. I bought the car 10 years ago when I was only 22! Wow! It was my biggest purchase ever. At the time, it was a “hot” car for a young twenty something single.   I had a lot of fun and crazy memories that that car took me to. I have probably driven many drunk people home in that car. Kevin and I even had our first “non-dates” in that car when I would pick him up from SGI in Mtn. View ( I worked at HP in Cupertino) and we’d drive back up to the city. At least I wasn’t trading in my zippy two-door, young car for a mini-van though!

Switching subjects…here is a picture of our finished nursery where I set up the crib mattress, the dresser, organized all of our clothes into groups of “newborn”, “3-6 mos.”, “6-9 mos” and “older clothes”. I organized the nursing and diapering stations too.

I’ve also been going to the gym 4 times a week to keep up with my swimming and mild gym workouts. My mother’s group that I’ve been attending on Thursday afternoons has been a great resource and a little view into my future. The group includes all new moms who have had babies from Jan to June of this year. So, the oldest baby is about 4 months old and the youngest is 4 weeks old (until I have our baby, of course). The women share their labor stories, parenting techniques and just general frustrations or joy in being new moms. Its great!

Now, I feel I am just in waiting mode for contractions to start and labor to begin. I feel ready for it… but, there is still anxiety about how life will change with all of it. I’m also a bit scared about all of the family visits once the baby is here. People will want to help, but, I’m not really one to accept help. I’ve been so self-sufficient for a long time. Admitting that I can’t do everything will take some adjustment.

As for the pregnancy pains, my carpel tunnel remains, so, I wear my very attractive wrist guards all the time (almost 24/7, except in the shower). My hands and feet have both swelled up even more in the past two weeks and my shoes barely fit now. I’ve  also stopped wearing my wedding and engagement rings (which makes me a little sad). Instead, I wear the wedding ring around my neck on a chain. A yoga teacher gave me a scare when she told me about having to get hers cut off during pregnancy when she had preclamsia and couldn’t get it off anymore. Speaking of yoga, I thought I could do prenatal yoga all the way until the end, but, its becoming increasingly difficult because of the pain in my hands. I have still been going once a week, but, I’ve found the need to do other exercise to keep myself active. I found that swimming was the one activity that still felt easy and rewarding. So, within 6 weeks of my due date, I joined a gym! (weird, I would say) But, joining the local JCC has already paid off. I’ve been going to the gym for swimming or a light workout for the past two weeks about four times a week and it always feels great. I think that it has even made doing things like getting out of my car a little bit easier. Extracating myself from the bucket seats of my Celica was getting pretty tough in the last few weeks. I have also had less back pain in the evening and I think its the swimming!

One of the big todo items on our list before the baby comes is getting me a new car. We test drove a few models including the Toyota Prius, Honda Insight, Mazda 3 and Subaru Impreza, but, I think I’m leaning toward the Mazda 3. Its cute, not too expensive and seems to have enough trunk space for the baby stroller and groceries. We considered the Subaru Outback, but, after I’ve driven my tiny Celica for 10 years, driving a car that measures in at 188 inches (in length) feels like a boat. I hope I don’t regret getting the smaller four door car later! Still, we haven’t made the plunge to buy the car yet… but, I think its just a matter of time.

Yesterday, Kevin and I had a wonderful day in the city after brunch with our friends, the Wolosins. I felt like I was not taking enough pregnancy photos and I might regret it, so, we headed up to SF to take a walk down Crissy Field on a gorgeous, sunny day. We started at the top of the Lyon Street steps, walked around the Palace of Fine Arts, down to Crissy Field and back. It was probably at least a three mile walk (pretty good for a 36 week pregnant woman!). I didn’t make it back up the stairs though. Kevin went to get the car to pick me up instead. Today, however, my calves are sore from all the walking. But, it was a great day! We ended it with dinner at “Home” in the Castro with our other friends.