Learning to let go

Someone told me that being a parent is a lifetime of learning to let go of your child. It starts with birth when they are no longer one with your body and continues onward. I’m definitely understanding this. I realized that the first significant point when I let go (just a little bit) was when Reid was about a month old. My mom, sister and sister’s fiance babysat for us for under 2 hours while we enjoyed a dinner alone. We tried not to check our phones too often, talk about parenting or worry about our little guy. After that, leaving for a few hours didn’t seem like such a big deal.

Last weekend, I left for my first overnight trip without Reid. I flew to San Diego for my sister’s bachelorette party for just about 36 hours. Its rough leaving when you are breastfeeding though. I had to pump for over a week to have enough milk stored up for my departure. Plus, I needed to pump while I was away. I would escape to my room (which I didn’t share with anyone…thank goodness!) to hook myself up to the cow machine to store up my liquid gold. During the short trip, everytime I saw any baby under age 1, I thought of my little guy and missed him a lot. Fortunately, his dad took wonderful care of him. He napped and took his bottles with ease. It was excellent bonding time for both of them and gave Kevin more confidence that he could do all the parenting, if necessary, on these rare occasions when I’m out of town.

Finally, the ultimate in letting go is day care…   Today, Reid had his first day of day care. It was just a couple of hours where I observed for a little while to be sure he adjusted to his new surroundings. It has been heartbreaking for me knowing that someone else will care for him for 9 hours a day. After leaving him there, I felt empty and lonely, but, I have to keep reminding myself that a happy mom will ultimately be better for Reid in the long run. And… I cannot see myself being happy as a stay at home mom. I am actually looking forward to the intellectual stimulation of work, but, will miss the days with Reid. He is just hitting the period where he spontaneously smiles all the time… even giggles. Its adorable and melts his mom’s heart.  He will get another short day in day care tomorrow and will go in for a full day starting next Tuesday when I get back to work.